Friday, August 20, 2010
♥
5:56 AM
our relationship.
started on 16th June,ended on the 18th August.
Exactly 2 months 2 days.
In this period of time,I've experienced the content narrated in the song 下雨天.
but i must say,thank you for letting me like you.
thank you for earning experience from this relationship.
thank you for the hurting,thank you for the smiles that you made me put on willingly for you,faked or not.
Thank you for letting me know that I can be loved,too.
I believe that in the early days,we liked each other.
It takes two hands to clap.
You were passionate in the beginning,but I avoided you,for I did not know how to react to all of those..my bad.
You began to drift away from me later.
I kept finding excuses for you when friends asked me why you weren't with me,meanwhile deceiving myself you were very busy with things more important.
When friends asked me about our development,and I told them,they shook their heads in disbelief at first,then as days grew,they shook their heads in disappointment, and told me that they feel that you very what.
I wanted to defend for you,but I was really too tired for all these,I was afraid I might just let out the repressive thoughts and feelings I've been bottling,so I just smiled and shrugged,Aiya,nvm lah!(:
Meanwhile another round of self-deception was taking place inside me.
I shared an inner piece of thought with a very close and experienced friend of mine about our relationship and development.It's a she.
She was usually very positive and will ask me not to think too much,she will ask me to smile.
Instead of repeating all she normally does,she told me you are not a good boyfriend.
I asked her to explain.I would not go into the details.
After hearing her explanation,a tear trekked down my cheek.
Then she asked me to clear some things with you.
I consulted another friend of mine on this,she agreed with my other close friend,but also told me that I cannot expect as much from our relationship as compared to her relationship with her boyfriend,her boyfriend is a very good guy.Not that I am saying you arent one,but he's a very good boyfriend.
That's what I told myself,until I couldnt stand the feeling of going home alone every time I thought I could find you as my companion,the loneliness at night waiting for your call or message that never came.
I smsed you about it and I hoped that things would improve.Yes,it did for the next day,but not the day after.
I decided to ignore you until you notice that I wasnt talking to you.Bad move,it made you feel that we were drifting further away.
Not long after,you raised the break-up.
I expected it to come one day,so I'm not too surprised when your sms arrived.
But I did feel the hurt nevertheless,despite saying that I didnt in my sms.
What hurts me more is your insensitivity.
I'm breaking down bit by bit.
I haven't got over the pain,even though I put on a happy front.
I'm still hurting,the wound ever opening bigger as I tell friends that we've broken up.
maybe i'll even laugh about it someday,but not today,no.
so i can explain the part on your insensitivity.
even though i said we were still friends,
i still cringe at your presence.i dont know why.
give me some time,i will adapt.
meanwhile,continue acting as if nothing happened,yeah?(:
thats..if you read this post.